Hi, my name is Tracy. (Everyone: Hello Tracy!) And I'm a tentaholic.
They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. Problem? What problem? I don't see any problem. I need all my tents. I love all my tents. In fact, I ordered another tent this morning. Shhhhh. Don't tell my friends. They may plan a tentervention.
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| Tent No. 1: my first diva camping experience circa 2010. |
My tent "collection" began with a simple tent. Tent No. 1, let's call it. This tent, which cost me less than $50, is, I maintain, the best tent for your beginning comfort camping dollar. It is a simple dome tent that sleeps "four" (more on these lies later) with enough center height for a small person to stand erect. And it can be erected quickly by one person. That's it. That's all you REALLY need. In fact, this tent is so functional that it remains in use today by my friend Julie, who sometimes joins Lola and I on these camping fiasc...trips. Even though one of the fiberglass poles has fractured, a little duct tape and this tent is still in action.
(Can I just apologize now for my photos? You can tell which ones are mine, because I didn't have a stylist on my shoot and I'm one messy bugger. So you'll see lots of junk lying around. I'll try to do better in future -- I need to up my Diva camping style.)
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| Tent No. 2: the SUV tent. |
Of course, this isn't about what we NEED, is it? No, it's about what we WANT. And we WANT to be comfortable and fabulous. And when going for comfort and fabulosity, bigger is better, oui? Si. So tent number 2 (and I just snorted with laughter thinking of this awful episode) was certainly big. It was, as I fondly called it, the Polyethylene Palace. I throw that phrase around now as a joke, but this tent was worthy of the phrase -- this tent was polyethylene and it was palacial. Yes, I'm talking about the SUV tent. This tent was true genius, because it was a large free-standing dome tent with a separate screened porch and an opening on one side that you could attach to the back of your SUV -- in my case, a Honda Element.
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| A view of the door with fabulous awning. |
Now, in theory, this really is an excellent tent choice. It is VERY tall, so most people can stand in it. It is spacious at 10 x 10 (and that's just the main sleeping area). It has a separate screened in porch to avoid rain and bugs and cook and relax in comfort. It has a large awning over another door to provide protection from the sun and rain. And you can access the inside of your SUV from inside the tent, while still maintaining the ability to zip that up and drive away for a day trip. So this, in theory, is really a great comfort camping tent.
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| Inside the SUV tent with the butt of my Element. |
So why wasn't this tent a winner? Well, the first strike is the difficulty of set up. Being a solo camper with two dogs who want out of the car and into anyplace I may be, I needed something that was quick and easy to set up. This tent is neither. It can be set up by one small person (obviously I did it), but it is NOT easy. The poles are fiberglass (as opposed to aluminum), so they are heavy. And they are very long and have to be run through long fabric sleeves in the tent and then the whole tent has to be hoisted into the air by flexing the very long heavy poles covered in a lot of tent fabric. Not an easy task. Add heat and wind, and it becomes a sweaty cuss-fest. Then try to throw the enormous rainfly over the top of this circus tent, and you wind up getting help from a neighboring camper whether you ask for it or not -- it's just too painful for them to watch. And you haven't even erected or staked the awning poles, or the screen room. Suffice it to say, this is not an easy tent to set up solo.
Second strike is just the height and the cheap fiberglass poles. The height makes this tent susceptible to heavy winds. And fiberglass poles are not only heavier than aluminum, they are more breakable. So when the wind starts bending these super long babies, they may just snap, leaving your diva ass homeless. And, in fact, my first attempt to use this tent resulted in a failure of the plastic thingies that made the steel poles on the screen room work (strike three), so the whole screen room collapsed in the wind. I don't remember what else broke, but this tent was a hot mess when I returned from my day trip to Jerome. Story of traumatic learning experience here. You can get a lot mo better tent for $300+. Tent No. 2 was returned from whence it came, and if you know me, you know whence was Amazon.
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| No. 3 with green rainfly peeled back. Oh look, there's Lola! |
Undeterred by this minor set back, I plunged directly into tent No. 3. I believe I had this ordered by the day after the ill-fated trip with the SUV tent. This tent was a good tent. I learned my lesson on fiberglass poles and tall, bend-in-the-wind tents. I bought a bomb-proof aluminum-poled 4-man from Alps Mountaineering. Now, let me explain the merits of this tent. 1. Aluminum poles are light and very strong. 2. The tent was designed with clips that attach the tent to the poles, so that you don't have to thread the poles through long sleeves. 3. A very nice full-coverage rain fly with vestibules front and back. And 4. Enough height at the front to stand up for changing clothes.
So one would think this tent would be a winner. But no. Here's the bad news: 1. Still takes a while to put all those sweet aluminum poles together. 2. Even 5"2" me can only stand in the very front part of that tent. 3. A "4-man" tent is not really big enough for me and even one small dog to be comfortable (I've decided a 6-man is just right). And 4. The vestibules are spacious for backpackers, but kind of worthless for comfort camping, for which you need, as shown here, some serious awning. No. 3 got Craigslisted and is being enjoyed a by a lovely lesbian couple.
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| Tent No. 4. C'mon, it's cool! |
Tent No. 4. Hmmm...Oh Yes!!! This was, I believe, the teepee! I thought this was genius, but I should have purchased the larger size. I got tired of assembling all those poles and thought a teepee (only ONE pole) would be just the ticket. Unfortunately, there's just not enough walking around room and what little there is is full of, well, pole. But tell me that's not a super cool teepee tent? I just wish it was white, so it looked more like I was an real American Indian. I was very disappointed that no one stopped by my camp site to tell me how cool they found my teepee. Craigslist.
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| Tent No. 5 -- a Lightspeed. |
At this point, I was really looking for ease of assembly and I discovered instant tents. Oh yeah, there are tents that can be put up in like a minute or less and without assembling poles. The first one I found, and I still keep for when, if ever, I may need to do really minimalist camping, was from Lightspeed. Their stuff is pretty cool. I have no idea whether it holds up in serious wind and rain (because that just doesn't happen much in Arizona) but it is super speedy and quite comfortable for a small tent. Here's a photo of a Lightspeed tent so you get the idea of how they go together -- it's basically like a giant umbrella. The tent shown is not the one I have -- my rainfly is attached and does not have to be added separately. But you get the idea. If you are just camping for one night and moving on in the morning, this is the way to go. It remains in my guest room closet. But, again, where's the head room? Where's the walking around space? How do I change clothes and have friends over for movies? So the search continued.
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| Tent No. 6: Swiss Family sized. |
No. 6 was a Swiss Gear family-sized tent that I probably should have kept. There is a very happy camping family out there enjoying this tent -- they sent me an email thank you after their first trip with it. (What would I do with my tent collection without Craigslist.) It was so enormous and had so much head room I actually felt silly in it with just the two dogs. And it was a little bit challenging to put up solo, and it had plastic corner connectors (like the ones that failed on the SUV tent), so I never really trusted it. It was, like all the others, a nice tent. Nothing wrong with it, I just thought I could do better for ease of set up.
This brings us to Tent No. 7. By late 2011 I was searching for a spacious* tent, easily and quickly assembled by one person, and with an awning or
large vestibule -- because it gets frickin' hot inside a tent with even
a tiny amount of sun. I got tired of hauling along a separate shade
structure. That blue thing shown with No. 3, for example was not only a
real bear to set up, but my neighbors "helped" me out by securing one
leg to a tree -- a tree that leaked super super sticky sap all over the
guy lines. The hassle of setting up a separate shade structure made me
long for a tent with an awning built in -- ala the SUV tent that had a
pretty sweet awning on one side.
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| No. 7: the Sierra Designs Veranda |
* "Spacious" in the tent world. In case you don't know this, a 4-man tent, for example, will fit four
medium sized humans inside if they're crushed together like sardines and
didn't bring anything with them, like clothes, food, electronics,
champagne or bear spray -- just enough room for sleeping bags and a
small backpack for each person, and they'd better use those packs as
pillows. Everything else will be sitting out in the rain or in your car. So if you think a "4-man" tent sounds roomy for one person and
a poodle, think again. I find a 6-man tent barely tolerable and
wouldn't want to share.
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| Tent part of No. 7. See all the mesh? |
No. 7 was a thing of great beauty and utility -- an aluminum-poled 6-man tent with almost enough head room and a GIANT vestibule that doubled the size of the tent. Great for summer yoga. The picture from Amazon really doesn't do it justice. And why wasn't this "the one?" Because the friggin' rain fly didn't reach the ground -- it was about 3-4" from the ground on all sides, and the tent part was mostly mesh with no way to close it up and keep all the warmth inside the tent on a chilly diva night. So it is only good for warm summer days and nights. (It also has a clear plastic window sewn into the tent that you can't close -- who wants to change undies in the campground at dusk in front of the plastic window? Not me.)
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| No. 8: the Coleman Instant 8-10. |
Tent No. 8. Oh yeah. Now we're getting somewhere. By 2011 I had discovered instant tents in all their many varieties, and Coleman makes one. Their largest was sold variously as an 8 or a 10-man tent, but at 10' by 14', it was a behemoth. You'd think that would be hard to put up solo. And it ain't all wine and roses (although that helps), but it really isn't too tough even for one little almost-old lady. Whole thing sets up in a minute. (Don't get too excited -- every tent needs to have a tarp or ground cover under it, stakes all around, and if there is wind or rain, guy lines attached at least at every corner of the top. A rainfly takes another few minutes. Even Divas can't neglect the basics -- you don't want to look like an idiot, or worse, be uncomfortable. So you ain't never going to get your whole tent sitiated in just a few minutes, pardner.) This 8-10 person instant tent became my "company" tent -- I've invited my fellow divas over for popcorn, drinks and movies on more than one occasion in this bad boy. Yes, this is a really great tent. Which is why it went very quickly when I listed it on Craigslist a few weeks ago. After my last trip to Lake Pleasant in January, I just decided it was too heavy (40lbs) and bulky (like wrestling a long skinny pig) to deal with (and the dark color heated up too quickly -- the one in this photo is actually lighter than mine, which was kind of all blackish) and my friends will have to watch movies in their own dang tents.
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| No. 9: the Coleman Instant 6. The winner so far. |
Not to worry, because I've also got the Coleman Instant 6, which, said Goldilocks, is JUST right at 9' by 10.' It turns out that Coleman made these instant tents in various colors for sale at different retailers -- Target got orange and Wal-Mart got red. Since I have a thing for red, I hauled my butt to the dreaded Wal-Mart and bought Tent No. 9 -- the grey and red Instant 6. And this, my Diva friends, is a keeper. (Well, at least until something better comes along.) It is a giant double-jointed spider. You open it up, extend the telescoping side poles to make it tall, and you're done -- just stake the tent and guy lines and Bob's your uncle. I also bought and use a rainfly, because the Amazon reviews said it was maybe a bit leaky. I haven't had any rain with it yet, not really, so I wouldn't know, but better safe.... And this tent is perfect for me -- it has plenty of large windows to catch a breeze, but seals up completely on chilly nights. It is taller that I can reach in the center and I can stand up and walk all over this tent, no hunching required. Plenty of room for my cot, my indoor non-plumbing, my kitchen area with stove, my lounge chair for movies and reading, and my end table for my tea warmer. If it were to rain and I had to do yoga inside, I could manage it in this tent. So, if I could choose any tent I've ever had to take on a trip tomorrow, I'd choose this one. It's my FAVORITE. All it needs to make it perfect is an attachable awning/yoga patio, which I am working on next week.
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| No. 10: the Kodiak Canvas Flex-bow 4. |
Speaking of tent awnings. No. 10: the Kodiak canvas tent. Now THAT's a friggin tent. (Oh, you thought I was done, because I have a keeper? You SO don't know me.) This tent is serious architecture. It is full-on canvas, not your schoolyard nylon or polyethylene crap. It is seriously heavy and durable and will withstand just about anything. It's a pretty neat tent. BUT, it is extremely heavy (this is the smallest one they make and at 55 lbs, it was just too much for my advancing years and receding muscles. I never did get that second side pole into the loop on the ground. Watch some videos of this tent -- it's really pretty cool. Just too beefy for me. So back to Amazon it went. And that's it, I think. Those are all the tents that I can recall owning in the last two years.
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| 11: Honda Element Cabana. |
Oh crap. I didn't count the car cabanas. (Or the larger Lightspeed that I bought and returned without using, because it seemed flimsy.) I thought it was bad that I got into double digits. But now I must confess to a round dozen tents in just two years, sigh, because I have two cabanas that fit over the backend of the Element. Don't worry -- they are nothing like the No. 2 giant SUV tent mistake. One is just the cabana that Honda makes for diehard tailgating or outdoorsy Element owners. My lovely sister got this for me, but I have yet to use it camping, because I like to torture myself with a full Diva camp set up. This gets pulled out annually for my Super Bowl driveway tailgating party.
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| No 12: XUV Truck Tent. I don't know this guy. |
Which brings me to No. 12: the XUV "Truck Tent," which is a similar deal, but with a slightly better attachment and awning set up, which I'm assured works on a Honda Element. Yes, it's idiotic that I bought it (just this morning). But maybe I'll actually use it one day? Who am I kidding. I'm an idiot.
And that's it. Those are ALL the tents I have owned in the last two years. Of course, I'm not counting shade structures -- those are a completely separate category and will be covered (get it, "covered!") in another very long post.
So, what have we learned here? Yes, I have a problem. But I can quit any time I want. Other than THAT, what have we learned? 1 = there are LOTS of tents out there. 2 = get one that won't fall apart in a little wind. 3 = get one that affords you not only adequate floor space, but also head room for walking, changing clothes, and just chillin. 4 = do NOT get one that's too big or heavy for you to haul, set up/take down, or store. 5 = look at the dimensions, the weight, the materials, the pole type, and read/watch all the reviews you can on Amazon and Youtube -- it's a wonderful digital age in which we live, so take advantage. You might even want to read a more serious camping blog than mine. But where's the fun in knowing it all ahead of time?
And here's another tent tip I'll throw in for free: buy some real stakes. Most tents come with the crappiest cheapest L-shaped steel stakes -- they are more like wire than real stakes and will bend at the first encounter with a pebble. Read the reviews and get some real stakes -- the aluminum Y-shaped MSR Groundhog stakes are the best things I've used yet for penetrating dry rocky dirt and staying where you put 'em -- almost couldn't get one out last time.
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| Check out this cute purple one! $3.40 well spent! |
Oh, and free tent staking tip No. 2 = buy a stake mallet. I thought I'd just grab a rock when I set up the ill-fated SUV tent in the desert. Hah. It's tiring and literally bloody dangerous to be hacking at little tent stakes with a big rock. You'll miss once or twice and be singing "If I had a hammer." Yeah, if you had a hammer, you wouldn't ruin your weekend with broken nails, a black thumb, and an open wound on the back of your hand. They make these plastic mallets that cost less than $7. GET ONE.
So that's it for Gimme Shelter: The Many Tents of Tracy. I'm a bit embarrassed that I've bought more than 12 tents in two years. I should never have counted. But I hope that my experience has, in some small way, helped you decide what kind of tent you may need to make your comfort camping truly comfortable. And here's hoping you don't try to pound your tent stakes with a rock, like I did.
For those of you who have a small army in the form or friends or family, let me point you toward what I kind of think is the Cadillac of comfort tents right now (next week, I'm sure I'll like something else, but today, this is it): the Bell Tent. It's kind of a ginormous version of my teepee tent, but the side walls roll down, so you can just flow with the breeze during the day. Yeah, if I had the manpower, and the space, you KNOW I'd have one of these babies.
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| The Bell tent. |
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| Inside the 6m Emperor from Bell Tents. Picture yourself here, campers! |
Coming soon: Let's PIMP that tent! We'll need some stuff to get comfy in the great outdoors and keep the great outdoors off of our beds and stuff. Stuff like our private sanitation. Oh, you think I've had a lot of tents? My problem runs deep.
